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Canned Bread
'''Canned bread '''is the 4th episode of s1 of Cult of Squid. It had a 3-month delay. Characters * Brother Squidward * Doctor Crayons * Noseward * Security * The fishes in the cage Transcript (Ep begins with a shot of the outside of the lodge and a knocking sound is heard) Noseward: (offscreen) Brother squidward! (Cuts inside to reveal Noseward throwing himself at a door repeatedly) Noseward: Brother Squidward!!! (Security walks in holding a cup of coffee and wearing bunny slippers) Security: what're you doing nosey? I can hear you from the outside! Noseward: don't call me that. Anyway, im trying to get in cuz Brother Squidward’s been in there forever! Security: lemme handle this. (Throws coffee at wall and runs towards the door) YAAAAH! (Slams into the door and falls over) Noseward: it's locked you idiot! (Camera moves to the inside of the room and to Squidward's throne and Squidward's on it holding canned bread) Security: (offscreen while the camera moves) maybe if i used you as a battering ram.. Brother Squidward: oh canned bread, how i love thee… (kisses the can) (Noseward and Security break in and Security is using Noseward as a battering ram) Noseward: ow! Ram gentler next time! Brother Squidward: AHG! (Looks at the can, throws it out the window) im not doing not nothing! Noseward: brother squidward, was that canned bread? Brother Squidward: n-no! Security: brother squidward, you know what the doc said- Doctor: (runs in) no canned bread for a week! Security: thanks doctor crayons. Brother squidward: you cant prove that ive been eating canned bread! (Closet door bursts open and a mountain of canned bread falls out) Brother Squidward: son of a- Doctor: (drags Squidward offscreen) let's go. (Cuts to inside a different room with everyone from the previous scene and squidward has a collar around his throat.) Doctor: now, this machine was made to detect (holds up canned bread) when Squidward touches canned bread, and if he does it- Squidward: MINE! (Grabs it and gets electrocuted) Doctor: -emits an electric shock. Squidward: (groans) Security: jeez, did you set it to like 50? That was a gigantic shock! Doctor: the machine still has a few bugs i havent worked out yet. (Squidward gets electrocuted offsreen) Squidward: i didnt even touch it! Doctor: i know how, but the machine was made to hate the word bugs and cantaloupe soup. (A shock 2 times bigger is seen and heard) Squidward: how did you do that?! Doctor: i was tired and started eating cantaloupe soup (another shock is seen and heard) a homemade recipe. Noseward: what the heck is cantaloupe soup? (Another shock is heard) Doctor: cantaloupe soup (another shock) is where i make soup with cantaloupe. Noseward: sounds good. You should get me some cantaloupe soup (another shock) someday. Squidward: (stands up all charred) ENOUGH! Doctor: hm, seems to be defective. Come to your throne and i will think of something else. (Squidward walks off) Security: mm. Cantaloupe soup. (A shock is heard again) (Cuts to Squidward and the rest in the throne room. Squidward is tied to his throne) Doctor: this test will test your ability to resist canned bread. Over there on that table is a can of canned bread Squidward: seems easy enough. Doctor: we'll be uh, outside to uh wait or something. (They walk off) Doctor: (offcreen, 3 seconds later) where'd that unicorn run off to? Squidward: just sit here? seems easy enough. (10 seconds later time card) Squidward: uuymghfdbeowpjwnrkdowjenrkdowkwnrnodjw (turns into a werewolf) (Cuts to Security, Noseward, and Doctor Crayons looking through in an observation room) Doctor: wow. 10 seconds. Noseward: that's a higher record than his previous time. Doctor: what was that? Noseward: 2.5 seconds. (Ding is heard) Security: ooh! My cantaloupe soup is done! (The collar starts buzzing and electrocutes Noseward) Doctor: but wasn't i the one with the collar? (He gets electrocuted) Security: (walks in with 3 bowls) I made 3 bowls of cantaloupe soup for all ‘o us! (All 3 get electrocuted) (Cuts to inside the throne room with all 4 in the room) Doctor: well, it seems all our tests have failed, however, if you guys like, i could try the “controversial technique” Noseward: whats that? (The doctor puts a bag over everyone's head and drags them offscreen) (Cuts to Squidward sitting in a chair in a dark room) Squidward: (water splashes on his face) wha?! Doctor: (offscreen, echoey) look forward. Squidward: huh? (Cuts to behind Squidward. A screen is infront of him) Doctor: (offscreen) now… take a look at this! (Cuts to infront of the screen. An image appears of Noseward and Security tied above shark-infested water) (Cuts back) Squidward: (gasp) Doctor: infront of you is a can of canned bread. If you choose to not grab it, they live. If you choose to, however, they will be dropped into the water. Squidward: uhhhh… Doctor: what will you choose? (10 seconds of repeated shots of the screen, squidward and the canned bread) Squidward: wait, how is this gonna cure my addiction? Doctor: uh… (The lights turn on to reveal Squidward in a medium-sized closet) Doctor: (walking in) god damn, i thought that would work! Squidward: but where are- Doctor: oh, they're fine. I'll untie them in a minute. As long as you touch the can they'll be fine. Squidward: (wiping forward) few! (Sweat hits the can causing it to move. Cut to a shot of Security and Noseward falling into the water. They scream) Squidward: uh… oops. (Cuts back to the throne room. Noseward and Security are badly injured) Doctor: well, that was a bust. Noseward: YOU THINK JACKA- Squidward: hmm… maybe… (chucks can into the cage) there! Now i will be oka- (turns into werewolf and runs off) Doctor: we better uh, go after him. Noseward and Security: yep. (They look at each other and run offscreen) (Cut to the cage) Nat: i am so BORED in here! Fred: yeah! Not to mention they hardly feed us. (The can hits nat's head) Nat: ow! Hey… (grabs can) this is canned bread! Frank: what?! Fred: Gimme! (All the fish in the cage fight over the can) END. Category:Episodes Category:Episode Transcripts Category:2018 Category:Transcripts Category:2018 Episodes Category:2018 Transcripts